The Theory
Over the past few years, I’ve been working to increase my positivity, patience and overall happiness with varying levels of success. I’ve tried books, church, diet, exercise and even meditation, which I seem incapable of doing for more than ten seconds. But there’s one practice that’s emerged as my favorite and actually has improved my emotional state. Being grateful.
I take a few moments each day to jot down the things I’m grateful for, from a good night’s sleep to a few minutes outside with my pets. Some mornings it’s as simple as the hot mug of coffee in my hand. It starts my day in a positive way, and if things slide off the rails later on, I can refer back to my list and get back in that mindset.
Being grateful doesn’t mean prayer or thanking God, necessarily, though as a spiritual person that’s often where I start. It’s simply recognizing the good in your life and making note of it. Physically writing a list or in a journal is best.
The Science
Does being grateful really make us happier? From my own experience I say yes, and studies conducted by the leading expert on gratitude, Dr. Robert Emmons, back it up. Give Dr. Bob a Google – it’s interesting stuff.
In one study, three groups of participants were asked to write a few sentences a week. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, another wrote about the week’s irritations and negative things, and the third group wrote about things that affected them without a positive or negative slant.
After ten weeks, the people in the group who wrote about gratitude were more positive and felt better about their lives. They even had fewer doctor visits and exercised more than the folks in the negative group.
Being grateful, then, appears to have made them happier.
The Practice
So what exactly does it mean to “practice gratitude?” It’s more than a simple act of politeness. It’s acknowledging the positive things in our lives – big or small – and realizing that good things often come from outside sources: other people, nature, a higher power. Recognizing this can bring a sense of contentment, and focusing on the good things makes us happier.
Our brains want to dwell on the scary stuff - threats, worries, problems. When we choose to actively recognize the good, we’re forcing our brain to think happier thoughts. Positive emotions replace anxiety and worry and lift our mood.
And it can indeed take practice. On those days where nothing’s going right, it can be downright painful to find something to be grateful for. But these are the days it’s most important to do so.
What did that argument with your boss teach you? There’s something…look again. On the broadest level, at least you have a boss, which means you have a job, which means you have income. The list doesn’t have to be clever or deep. You can simply be grateful for waking up another day.
My daily list often includes the same things: husband, pets, family. Our Min Pin always makes the list. When her health was failing, every day she was still in our lives was a blessing I was thankful for. Now that she’s passed, I’m thankful for the years of happiness we shared with her. I try to mix it up and be specific, but even acknowledging these same few things puts me in a better place.
Since I started this daily exercise, I’ve noticed how much easier it is to spot the good stuff. Little things I may not have even noticed before jump out at me now and make me smile. The funny thing that kid in the grocery store said or the way the sun shines into our living room in the evening.
Gratitude is a quality we can improve by regular practice. And we can start small. Studies say we don’t even have to share our gratitude to reap the positive emotional benefits. So if calling up that colleague and telling her how awesome she is makes you sweat bullets, try jotting it in a note and keeping it to yourself. It’ll get easier. Maybe one day you can send it.
Try It
Do you want to see if being grateful makes you happier? Here are five tips to bring an attitude of gratitude into your life:
1. Start your day by listing three things you’re grateful for. A good night’s sleep, your comfy bed, the sunshine. Three too many right now? List just one. Visit the home page and sign up for the newsletter (very sporadic, I promise!) to receive a free checklist printout to get you started.
2. Before you tuck in at night, think about the day and what was awesome about it. Even if it was a tough one, find one thing. Maybe you’re just grateful to be home…it doesn’t have to be fancy.
3. Remember that it’s not a competition. Being grateful for what you have shouldn’t involve comparing your situation with others. Try to stay away from material possessions as well – this can lead you to dwell on the things you don’t have rather than celebrating all that you do.
4. Try saying ‘thanks’ to those around you for the little things. Your hubby always cooks brunch on Sunday – it’s his thing and he doesn’t expect a thank you, but try thanking him anyway. People love to feel appreciated.
5. Focus on a person who has helped you in your life. Think about all they’ve done for you and how you’re a better or more successful person because of it. Even if you never discuss it with them, spend a few minutes recognizing their influence.
To hear more about gratitude and happiness from Dr. Emmons himself, there are several videos on YouTube to check out.
Meanwhile, you can check out my Gratitude Boxes for adults and kids in the Etsy shop. More items on the way, including more printables. Eventually, everything will be available on this site as well.
Thank you for stopping by!